Getting Your Teen Ready for School – Academically and Socially

While many parents around the country are breathing a sigh of relief as summer slips away and school starts up again, many teens are groaning at the thought of returning to textbooks and teachers. The start of school can bring many mixed emotions – for some, excitement at daily social interaction and being one more step closer to graduation; for others the impending start of school may bring up feelings of anxiety. For teens that face social and academic challenges, the start of a new school year is often overwhelming, but with a little support and preparation your teen can conquer those anxieties and tackle the new school year with confidence.


Academic Preparation

 Poor academic preparation often sets teens off on the wrong foot when returning to school. Improving your teen’s organizational skills can help eliminate the feelings of anxiety that come with being unprepared in class. Start by sitting down with your teen to review their class schedule and engage your teen in a discussion regarding what classes he/she is most excited about and what class is the most dreaded. Come up with goals and objectives for each class (i.e. If your teen fails two tests, he/she will agree to have a tutor). Set clear and realistic expectations for the school year. If your teen has an after school job or partakes in an extracurricular activity, set expectations of the GPA your teen needs to maintain in order to continue the activity. Don’t be afraid to set some incentives for accomplishing academic achievements. It never hurts to reward positive behaviors and it’s human nature to be motivated by incentives. Would you go to work if you weren’t getting a paycheck at the end of each week? I sure wouldn’t!

Help your teen gather up needed school supplies at least two weeks in advance. There’s nothing like rushing around last minute for supplies to create feelings of anxiety. Teens with poor organizational skills may benefit from purchasing different color coordinated notebooks and folders for each class to help stay organized. Set up a workstation in the home that is free from distraction for teens that have difficulty focusing. Purchase an academic planner for your teen and make a schedule with your teen for homework and study time. Allow your teen the opportunity to have an active part in setting goals and schedules. The more control your teen has in setting their own academic goals, the more likely they will be motivated to achieve those goals.


Social Preparation

For shy teens, the social aspect of school often creates feelings of anxiety, particularly if your teen has experienced peer conflict in the past. Begin by establishing open dialogue with your teen about social anxieties. By letting your teen know that you are available to listen and provide emotional support, you can help ensure that your teen will continue to turn to you throughout the year when issues arise. Normalize your teen’s concerns and show you empathize with your teen’s experiences by acknowledging that there have been times when you’ve felt nervous, alone or left out. Engage your teen in a discussion regarding how you were able to successfully cope with those feelings and experiences. Don’t brush off your teen’s concerns by dismissing or minimizing them. Teens need to know their feelings and experiences are normal. During the last weeks of summer, encourage your teen to reach out to friends who they may not have seen recently.

If your teen is nervous about attending a new school, contact the school to arrange for a tour. During a tour, your teen is able to explore the school without being overwhelmed by a crowd, and can familiarize his or herself with the layout of the building which may help decrease first day jitters of being lost among the maze of hallways.

No matter how much you prepare your teen, there is always a chance that something may not go as planned. Remember for a moment that adolescents are awkwardly caught in the middle of childhood and adulthood and are often internally struggling with finding themselves and their place in the world. Offer compassion and support for your teen’s feelings and experiences no matter how trivial they may seem to you. Lend an ear, give a hug and be understanding.

Reduce School Anxiety

As we enter the last month of summer, and September creeps upon us, many parents will be sending their little ones to school, and many will be sending them for the first time ever.  In most cases it's the parents that have the hardest time with this transition, but it's not uncommon for kids to experience their share of fear and anxiety regarding the first day of school. Parents of anxious kids can take a few steps to emotionally prepare their child in this last month of summer and the beginning weeks of school in order to make it the best start possible.

1. Have Discussions About School - Begin talking to your children about school and what to expect in a typical school day. Discuss the social aspects of school in addition to the academic aspects.  Talk about lunch time, recess, peers and what drop-off/pick-up will be like. Head to your local library or bookstore and select books about going to school to read during the remainder of the summer.  Talk about your own positive experiences from school. Dig up your old class pictures if you have any to add a few laughs to the discussion.

2. Check Out The School - Most school's have orientation days for new students that include a tour of the school. If your school does not offer this, call your school or district board of education and arrange for a tour of the school or a meeting with your child's teacher to establish some familiarity. At the very least, prior to the start of the school year, take a trip with your child to the school to allow him/her to see the building up close. Walk around as much of the school grounds as you can and point out areas that would be of interest to your child, such as the playground. Visit the school more than once if possible for a particularly anxious child.

3. Schedule Playtime With Future Classmates - If your child is entering school for the first time, scope out your neighborhood for potential classmates and arrange for some play time. If you are unable to find potential classmates, explain the unknown peers as a fun "surprise". Make a game out of it and have your child guess the number of boys and girls that will be in their class and the possible names of some classmates. If your child has been to school before but hasn't had contact with classmates since the summer started, invite a few school friends over for lunch or a play date. Acquainting your child with a few classmates will decrease feelings of anxiety regarding peer interactions. If you are feeling particularly ambitious, host a small "back to school" party the week before class starts.

4. Involve Your Child in Back To School Shopping - Get your child involved in school supply list shopping and other back-to-school items.  Present your child with choices on such items as backpacks, lunchboxes and clothing. Have your child help you plan out his/her lunch menu for the first few weeks. These small activities will allow your feelings a greater sense of control, which is important a child who is anxious.

5. Role Play - If your child has a particular anxiety (bullies, riding the school bus, interacting with peers, navigating a large school, etc), role play the event with your child.  For example, if your child has anxieties about riding the school bus, practice walking to the bus stop together. Have a relative or friend play bus driver and have them drive up to the bus stop. Practice saying goodbye and putting your child on the "bus."  If possible, have your friend or relative drive your child to school just like the bus would and drive back to the bus stop to practice drop off with your waiting. Coming up with a plan and brain storming coping skills for your child's fears will help him/her feel more confident when faced with the event. Practice often and problem solve potential solutions together.

6. Reward and Reassure - Reward for brave behaviors that your child exhibits. Reward for a successful first day of school. Reward your child for using the coping skills practiced. Now is the time to boost your child's mood and spirits with a special gift or outing in response to positive behaviors.

Sometimes all the planning in the world won't ease an anxious child. An anxious child may exhibit a variety of negative behaviors as the first day of school approaches including physical ailments, withdrawing, fighting with siblings, being defiant towards parents/caregivers, bed wetting, thumb sucking, and other aggressive behavior. Acknowledge that your child is engaging in these behaviors due to school related fears. Normalize your child's fears and anxieties, and encourage your child to discuss those fears and anxieties. Encouraging your child to continually and openly discuss any fears and anxieties with you serves as positive coping skill and gradually increases your child's confidence with continued parental validation and support. If there isn't a noticeable decrease in your child's school anxiety level as the school year progresses, reach out to your school's guidance counselor for additional support and resources.